Alicia Walker, author of The Secret Life Of The Cheating Wife, carried out extensive research for new book Chasing Masculinity and her findings shatter gender stereotyping on infidelity.
She said: “The men in this study enjoyed the sex in their affairs, but valued emotional connection and intimacy more highly.
“The vast majority of women purely sought sexual satisfaction.”
Below, she shares some of her unexpected findings.
MEN are still painted as creatures that can’t refuse sex. Sayings like “all men cheat” and “boys will be boys” reinforce common assumptions that cheating is in their genes.
But it’s not true. The vast majority of men I spoke to craved intimacy and attention, and when they couldn’t get it at home they looked elsewhere. Men wanted a woman to compliment them, praise them and listen to the mundane details of their days.
They wanted what we commonly call The Girlfriend Experience, with hours of sensual sex and lots of kissing and touching. But the majority of women wanted no-strings sex. They actively vetted partners who weren’t needy or dependent. EVERY single man said their partner’s orgasms gave them pleasure.
Their masculinity rests on sexual prowess, and making their partner climax is proof of their manliness.
They saw their ability to satisfy as a special skill and it boosted their confidence between the sheets.
They relayed statements such as “Your wife doesn’t know what she’s missing” with pride.
THE men believed their partners lacked interest in them and were “impossible to please”.
As a result, they felt like a constant disappointment to their wives.
The dynamics of the marital bed added to their sense of failure as their wives either didn’t orgasm during sex or, in a few cases, they orgasmed but rushed their lovemaking.
All the men said their wives approached sex like one more chore to complete.
Comments from their mistresses such as “Your wife is so lucky to have you” made them feel more manly and content.
WHEN it comes to adultery, men are painted as “cheaters” and women as the “wronged party”.
But recent research shows that a number of men desire monogamy and are true to one person, while many women have more than one sexual partner – openly and secretly.
WHILE men outnumber women in online venues designed for seeking extra-marital affairs, women are more likely to go through with meeting men in person for sex and actually embark on an affair.
The women were very clever about how they went about their cheating, carefully weighing their options and choosing someone that did not upset the apple cart.
To the outside world they maintained their image as the perfect wife – remembering birthdays and going to the PTA events, and corporate dinners with their husbands – while being very good at hiding their big secret.
They liked retaining the privileges from having marriage status, but secretly rejected the usual monogamy.
Women dump partners who underperform in bedroom
WOMEN are often portrayed as sensitive and compassionate but if an outside partner couldn’t satisfy them sexually, they ditched them.
Men would continue to see a mistress who wasn’t great in bed if they had an emotional bond with them.